(no subject)

[jmtooktheplanet]

Guilt wasn’t something she was comfortable with. She’d done a lot of damage to Leonard over the years, all premeditated to some degree with consequences already taken into consideration. It had just never been anything like this and somehow that was worse. Jocelyn supposed that conscience came with age in this case or that maybe she’d grown as a person. None of that really seemed to matter now, not once it was already done and she had no idea how to actually fix the situation. Jim hated her with good reason. That was an undeniable fact after she’d caught the look on his face once he’d fled her rooms.

And then there was Leonard’s confusion over the situation. She should have realized, she’d just been too busy caught in pleasant memories and nostalgia of how things had been once to catch on to just how wrong everything was. How wrong he was. It was complicated, so very, very complicated. There was no fixing this. There was nothing she could do to take it away or make it less detrimental to any of the involved parties. She could, however, attempt to make amends for her role in it. Humbling herself with an apology that would no doubt be ill received wasn’t much but it was a start. The rest would come to her.

Comments

[captainjimk.livejournal.com]

Jim had taken to spending most of his free time on the observation deck, or with Spock who was doing actually a pretty okay job filling the best-friend role that had become vacated with Bones' promotion to husband. But, of course, as fate would have it, he would be in his room when Jocelyn decided to have her crisis of conscience.

The computer alerted him to who was at his door and he snarled, wanting to completely ignore her, but...

"Allow Admittance," he snapped, simply, figuring it was the least he could do for his broken Bones.

[jmtooktheplanet.livejournal.com]

She was quiet when she stepped into his chambers. It was obvious that he hadn't been spending much time in them, and what time he had been spending there had included time with a bottle or ten as they were neatly lined on the counter. This suddenly seemed like a very bad idea, however, Jocelyn wasn't one to back down in the face of a challenge.

"Jim, I appreciate you giving me the time. I wanted to speak to you about *Leonard* everything. To apologize."

[captainjimk.livejournal.com]

Jim snorted and moved over to the counter, realizing he wasn't nearly drunk enough to have this conversation with her.

"Can I get you a drink?"

[jmtooktheplanet.livejournal.com]

She considered it briefly before agreeing. "Yes, please."

[captainjimk.livejournal.com]

Yeah, he figured and he took his time pouring them both generous helpings of Bones' favorite bourbon - and damn if that wasn't just fucking appropriate in every way - and returned to her, passing one over.

"Wanna sit?"

[jmtooktheplanet.livejournal.com]

She wasn't expecting the hospitality and she frowns because it's throwing her for a loop. Still, she takes the glass and nods. "Thank you, and yes. That would be... that'd be nice."

[captainjimk.livejournal.com]

He motions towards the little table that's supposed to serve for informal meetings or what he fuck ever, because it normally is where he and Spock play chess, and slumps into the seat, taking a large swallow of his own drink.

"So?"

[jmtooktheplanet.livejournal.com]

There's a deep sigh from Jocelyn as she studies the glass in her hands while formulating her thoughts. "I realize that nothing I say will make this any easier. I honestly regret that. The fact of the matter remains that it's done, and I'm sorry for the hurt it caused, and will cause."

[captainjimk.livejournal.com]

Jim looks at her over the rim of his glass, studying her, before letting out a small sigh, "Are you really? After all...you've exacted the perfect revenge,"

[jmtooktheplanet.livejournal.com]

She lets that slide. She can understand it. "Whether you believe it or not, yes. I am. I didn't realize that he... I didn't realize there was something wrong. This wasn't about revenge."

[captainjimk.livejournal.com]

"...." he swallowed, and nodded, he was being unfair, but...he wanted to blame her, wanted her to take all the responsibility of this so he didn't have to deal with Bones willingly sleeping with his ex wife.

[jmtooktheplanet.livejournal.com]

This wasn't going the way she'd wanted it to, or hell, the way she'd expected it to. "This was a mistake. I didn't come here to rub anything in your face, but it feels like that's what I may be doing unintentionally."

There was a long swallow of the drink in her hand and she rubbed the back of her hand against her mouth, enjoying the burn of the liquor as it went down. "I'm sorry. I'll leave."

[captainjimk.livejournal.com]

"Listen, I figure all of us are pretty fucked up right now. Bones...Bones is in love with you for as long as this takes to wear off. For some reason he's also still in love with me," He tossed back the rest of his drink and then studied the bottom of his glass, "I don't...I want to make this as easy on him as I can, but I'm not really sure how to do that,"

[jmtooktheplanet.livejournal.com]

"I was going to suggest I fill the role we already know I'm good at. He doesn't need me, and this will eventually wear off. You'll be the one to put him back together now and hopefully it will minimize the damage when things are back to normal." It seemed like the best solution to her. It might hurt him temporarily, but in the long run it would be for the best.

[captainjimk.livejournal.com]

"The problem with that is that he does need you right now," Jim sighed, scrubbing a hand over the stubble that had grown in the absence of him finding the need to take beard suppressors, "And you leaving will break him to the point that I'm not sure even I can put him back together again,"

[jmtooktheplanet.livejournal.com]

"So we're just supposed to continue avoiding one another in this mockery of affection until he comes to his senses? How does that make it any better? How is it any different? My physical presence here and my obvious avoidance is still going to come across as rejection." She was beyond frustrated and trying to do the right thing by her ex-husband, and even Jim, for once. It should have been easy and it was shaping up to be anything but.