Kindness and cruelty

Jocelyn was not jealous. She didn’t get jealous anymore, least of all over her exhusband. Which was strange considering that the emotion currently running rampant through her felt an awful lot like jealousy.

Face it, Joc. You’re jealous.

She sighed, taking a larger than necessary sip of the cocktail in her hand. It was ridiculous really to get so bent out of shape over a conversation. It wasn’t like she had any rights to Leonard anymore, and while she was sure he wasn’t putting any effort into goading her, he was doing a fantastic job of it. Afterall, the smile he directed at the blonde diplomat was one she recognized all too easily considering how many times he’d used it on her back in the days before an ugly divorce or even being married. If she thought back on it she could still remember the smell of peach blossoms on humid night air and the soft feel of an old cotton quilt over grass, that smile and the reflection of the starlight in his eyes when he asked if he could kiss her.

The memory was one she had to physically shake herself free from just in time to see the other woman place a flirtatious hand against Len’s chest.

She’s half way across the room before she’s had the time to think twice about what she’s doing. Resting a possessive hand on his arm she clears her throat, ever the lady-- if ladies managed to pull off the kind of distasteful glare Jocelyn was. She felt Leonard’s posture change under her touch, a shift from flirtatious to conscientious, like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but there were a few things I needed to discuss with you, Doctor.” It’s the farthest things from the truth, not that it matters when the other woman dejectedly excuses herself once his attentions shift to herself.

“I was curious as to what functions you, or rather medical, were serving when we beam down to the surface.”

The look on his face clearly said he didn’t buy it for a minute and that her ruse was just as shallow and see through as she’d feared it would be. Luckily for her, he was too much of a gentleman to call her on it.

“M’Benga’s goin’ down, Josey. Not me. Though you knew that. And even if they say none of the hostages were hurt, better t’check ‘em out before they get moved.”

Jocelyn flushed from embarrassment. It was common sense really and again the look on his face told her he knew good and damn well what this had really been about. “Was that all?”

She nod and made to walk away but his sudden grip on her wrist cut off her retreat.
“Then if you’re done talkin’ shop, I seem to be down a dance partner.”

It was a kindness on his part to offer her that when it was so much more than a dance really. It was part forgiveness and reassurance, two things she really had no right to expect but that he offered freely. It was who he was. Who he had always been. No matter what everyone else around him had come to believe Jocelyn knew the truth. She still saw the same boy that she’d asked to dance however many years ago; the one that had worn that sort of sweet, and trusting, and hopeful expression on his face when he’d asked her to stay on the floor with him for another song.

She couldn’t let herself think about it though, couldn’t really let herself dwell any more than she already had. She’d been selfish enough as it was except when they lapsed into the kind of comfortable silence that was only born from history and familiarity, she couldn’t help wanting it to last a little bit longer.


Word count: 648

Every girl wanted Prince Charming and the fairytale ending. Happily Ever After held its own magical appeal outside of the castle and adoring subjects. It was just too bad those stories were full of blatant lies and mistruths. There was no riding off into the sunset for eternal bliss, and Prince Charming wasn’t quite so charming when he hit you. Of course you could still have the castle provided that you built the foundation on those same lies and mistruths; each brick put in place to cover your weakness from your adoring subjects, who were less “adoring” and more like ravenous wolves looking to rend you limb from limb at the first sign of a chink in your armor.

Jocelyn suspected it was just desserts for what she’d done to Leonard. She’d allowed her anger and bitterness to turn her into the villain and in so doing, she’d driven him straight toward his own happy ending. The one that should have been theirs, but no longer included her. It was written in the smug look on Jim’s face whenever they were forced to interact, in that knowing smile when he managed to see through the front she put on for the outside world. His eyes told her that he knew just how much she hated herself, how much she regretted being the reason things were the way they were between them. She hadn’t just lost her husband in all of it, she’d lost a friend. A friend was something she could have used to help her guard herself from the wolves at her door and the Prince that was really a toad.

Instead she was left alone with her bricks, and her lies, and her regrets, always building. Always trying to recapture what she’d so foolishly given up. It was a pale mimicry of what she’d once genuinely had, and she had no one to blame but herself.

( Lyrics )

There were times when she was away from work that she actually enjoyed herself aside from missing Joanna. That wasn't usually the case when she was assigned to the Enterprise, and rather than walk about the ship, she mostly stayed confined to her rooms. The occasional jabs she managed to get in against Jim notwithstanding, being The Bitch could be very tiring. Contrary to popular belief it was actual work to maintain that level of nastiness on a regular basis. It was the major reason that she'd taken her meals in her quarters and attended to matters at home while the crew went about doing whatever it is they were meant to be doing. There had been talk about some mission or another it just hadn't concerned her, so she'd promptly forgotten the details in favor of more pleasant things.

Like Joanna.

She'd put in a vid call to her little girl to hear all the details about her day at school and her best friend's new horse. Minor things that most people brushed under the rug were a source of happiness for her when they were delivered with a healthy dose of excitement from Jo. As the conversation wound down she wished her daughter goodnight and told her to behave as well as passing on Leonard's love. They were making some kind of effort to be civil toward one another and she couldn't deny how happy it made Jo to hear. It had become automatic by that point to throw in even though she hadn't seen her ex-husband in a matter of days. Just as well. Civility only carried so far and they still had another two months together before she'd be returning to Earth.

With everything taken care of for her day, Jocelyn went about her nightly routine. Shower, pajamas, and quality time with a good book. Henry the eighth and his miserable excuse of a love life had caught and held her attention as of late. She settled on the couch with a throw and cup of tea before delving into the most recent book on the subject to keep her interest.