jmtooktheplanet: (R!V Wary)
Every girl wanted Prince Charming and the fairytale ending. Happily Ever After held its own magical appeal outside of the castle and adoring subjects. It was just too bad those stories were full of blatant lies and mistruths. There was no riding off into the sunset for eternal bliss, and Prince Charming wasn’t quite so charming when he hit you. Of course you could still have the castle provided that you built the foundation on those same lies and mistruths; each brick put in place to cover your weakness from your adoring subjects, who were less “adoring” and more like ravenous wolves looking to rend you limb from limb at the first sign of a chink in your armor.

Jocelyn suspected it was just desserts for what she’d done to Leonard. She’d allowed her anger and bitterness to turn her into the villain and in so doing, she’d driven him straight toward his own happy ending. The one that should have been theirs, but no longer included her. It was written in the smug look on Jim’s face whenever they were forced to interact, in that knowing smile when he managed to see through the front she put on for the outside world. His eyes told her that he knew just how much she hated herself, how much she regretted being the reason things were the way they were between them. She hadn’t just lost her husband in all of it, she’d lost a friend. A friend was something she could have used to help her guard herself from the wolves at her door and the Prince that was really a toad.

Instead she was left alone with her bricks, and her lies, and her regrets, always building. Always trying to recapture what she’d so foolishly given up. It was a pale mimicry of what she’d once genuinely had, and she had no one to blame but herself.

Lyrics )
jmtooktheplanet: (Regretful)
Guilt wasn’t something she was comfortable with. She’d done a lot of damage to Leonard over the years, all premeditated to some degree with consequences already taken into consideration. It had just never been anything like this and somehow that was worse. Jocelyn supposed that conscience came with age in this case or that maybe she’d grown as a person. None of that really seemed to matter now, not once it was already done and she had no idea how to actually fix the situation. Jim hated her with good reason. That was an undeniable fact after she’d caught the look on his face once he’d fled her rooms.

And then there was Leonard’s confusion over the situation. She should have realized, she’d just been too busy caught in pleasant memories and nostalgia of how things had been once to catch on to just how wrong everything was. How wrong he was. It was complicated, so very, very complicated. There was no fixing this. There was nothing she could do to take it away or make it less detrimental to any of the involved parties. She could, however, attempt to make amends for her role in it. Humbling herself with an apology that would no doubt be ill received wasn’t much but it was a start. The rest would come to her.
jmtooktheplanet: (Couch)
There were times when she was away from work that she actually enjoyed herself aside from missing Joanna. That wasn't usually the case when she was assigned to the Enterprise, and rather than walk about the ship, she mostly stayed confined to her rooms. The occasional jabs she managed to get in against Jim notwithstanding, being The Bitch could be very tiring. Contrary to popular belief it was actual work to maintain that level of nastiness on a regular basis. It was the major reason that she'd taken her meals in her quarters and attended to matters at home while the crew went about doing whatever it is they were meant to be doing. There had been talk about some mission or another it just hadn't concerned her, so she'd promptly forgotten the details in favor of more pleasant things.

Like Joanna.

She'd put in a vid call to her little girl to hear all the details about her day at school and her best friend's new horse. Minor things that most people brushed under the rug were a source of happiness for her when they were delivered with a healthy dose of excitement from Jo. As the conversation wound down she wished her daughter goodnight and told her to behave as well as passing on Leonard's love. They were making some kind of effort to be civil toward one another and she couldn't deny how happy it made Jo to hear. It had become automatic by that point to throw in even though she hadn't seen her ex-husband in a matter of days. Just as well. Civility only carried so far and they still had another two months together before she'd be returning to Earth.

With everything taken care of for her day, Jocelyn went about her nightly routine. Shower, pajamas, and quality time with a good book. Henry the eighth and his miserable excuse of a love life had caught and held her attention as of late. She settled on the couch with a throw and cup of tea before delving into the most recent book on the subject to keep her interest.


jmtooktheplanet: (Default)

November 2015

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